“You have to be able to accept failure to get better.” —LeBron James

Whilst I'm not keen on seeing an experience of anything that doesn't necessarily meet the outcome we desire as 'failure', I do agree that the feedback we get for ourselves when things don't work as well as we expected, is essential for change.

It's very common that when we don't have the best level of self-confidence or esteem, it triggers our anxiety and fear response where our thoughts and behaviours stop us from taking risks even in the smallest way.

For example, let's say the last time you stood in the cue at the local supermarket or got on public transport, you sensed many pairs of eyes all over you and you began to get so self-conscious and embarrassed that you dropped your money or card on the floor. Your perception is that now even more pairs of eyes are piercing the back of your head because not only are you visibly different, your perception now is they will believe you're incredibly clumsy too! The event was so uncomfortable for you that you decide that you better not venture there again anytime soon and so avoid using that bus route or venturing into that store for a while. 

The reality is when you do go out again, the probability of seeing the same people is incredibly slim, and if you did, they are not very likely to remember the situation or you as they will have had many sleeps since then and whilst the event was highly salient to you, chances are it won't be to them.

 So, the spirit here is that avoidance of situations we found challenging, whilst a good very short term strategy for letting the memory decay and the feelings subside is not good for your personal growth and long-term wellbeing. In order to ride the horse, we must get back on and sometimes suffer the pain of getting thrown off many times before we and the horse can learn to ride smoothly together!